by Connie Podesta
Sometimes it seems that folks just don't get it. No matter what you say or how you say it, they simply don't have a clue - and don't seem too worried about getting one either! It's not their nature to understand; that's just how they "are." Maybe so, but more often than not, the problem is a result of a communication breakdown.
In this digitally inter-connected world, you'd think we could "fix" such basic differences. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as plugging another device into the system. Maybe they're the problem. Maybe you are. We all know difficult people - and, in fact, we can all be the difficult person.
A little background on communication styles can help us understand the issues and learn how to alter our approach to eventually make life a little easier for both parties.
The Basics
Every time we speak, we choose and use one of four basic communication styles: assertive, aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive.
Assertive Communication
The most effective and healthiest form of communication is the assertive style. It's how we naturally express ourselves when our self-esteem is intact, giving us the confidence to communicate without games and manipulation.
When we are being assertive, we work hard to create mutually satisfying solutions. We communicate our needs clearly and forthrightly. We care about the relationship and strive for a win/win situation. We know our limits and refuse to be pushed beyond them just because someone else wants or needs something from us. Surprisingly, assertive is the style most people use least.
Aggressive Communication
Aggressive communication always involves manipulation. We may attempt to make people do what we want by inducing guilt (hurt) or by using intimidation and control tactics (anger). Covert or overt, we simply want our needs met - and right now! Although there are a few arenas where aggressive behavior is called for (i.e., sports or war), it will never work in a relationship. Ironically, the more aggressive sports rely heavily on team members and rational coaching strategies.
1 comment:
This information is valuable for me as a leader handling people. Thanks for the post. I will be able to understand and communicate better with my people.
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